meditating and drinking tea…..being CALM

Do. Have. Be. Do Be? To Be?

No I am not talking about the Or Hamlet. I’m talking about the struggle we have in ourselves. We all want to Be something, right?

Be happy. Be wealthy. Be beautiful. Be calm. Be secure. Be loved.

Oftentimes it feels unattainable. So we search for what might help us get there and we “Do.” We take classes, we diet, we put in Ring cameras, we take on side hustles, we scour the internet until 4am begging Google to provide the answers to our life. (ahem)

Or sometimes we feel we must “Have”

We date people hoping they’ll provide us security and love. We…


coming up with new ideas isn’t easy...

I stared at the blank page so long I started to see Rorschach figures in the white. I had writer’s block bad. There was nothing to write about, nothing to say. My life was either too confidential for mass consumption OR it was too boring. (likely the latter as the last time I was recruited by the CIA it was 2008…). I was stuck in a creative rut.

What do you do if you commit to writing each week but don’t have any new words?

What do you do if you have a design deliverable out, but just can’t get…


blazer word post workout….do I look sweaty or put together?

Everyone is time stressed. Waking up earlier just borrows time from the evening. I’m on a but even focusing requires time on the calendar. Afterall, I need a good 30 minutes to get into “Flow state” for anything whether it’s playing with my daughter, working on my novel, or falling in love…(um, with the foam on my cappuccino that is).

I’ve found a few hacks to give me more time.

1. Zoom Attire

If I have time for a morning workout I usually cannot get ready fast enough to make an 8:30am meeting. No shower? No problem. I put…


photo by Magnet.me, Unsplash

I’m a Type-A success fueled being. But over the years that desire for success has meant I try to do 100 things at the same time. Deep down I knew I was taking on too much. I was trying to balance taking care of my amazing almost-4-year-old with

  • A very busy career (budgets and team building and projects and reviews and oh, yes, is there any space for a promotion?)
  • Finishing a book
  • Growing a social media account
  • A photography class.
  • Trying to publish these rants here for you weekly!

Never mind boot camp workouts, laundry, friends, family…


photo by Philip Graves

My friend Carrie had escaped cancer. (hurrah!).

However during the surgery and wait to find out if the mass was malignant or benign there was time, too much time, to think. Legacy. Purpose. Love.

All the things we question when we We were both Type A individuals. Achieving and succeeding defined us.

We spoke last night and tried to determine what mattered most as we move forward through the second half of our lives. Life is precious, especially after being confronted with losing it.

What would Was it fame? Our…


Unsplash by Joshua Coleman

“I like your stomach Mommy,” said my daughter Vivi. It’s all squishy.”

Like many, I had Pandemic Body. ™ But that wasn’t why I started the with a toddler in the houseSure I was squishy but I was also slow, irritable and had regular rosacea breakouts that I couldn’t curb. My energy levels were at all time lows and I found it challenging to keep up with my work and my daughter. I relied on 7am coffee, 2pm chocolate and 5 pm wine to get me through each day. Meals were designed to maximize comfort (i.e …


Photo: Shutterstock via NY Post

Going to a wedding solo, without a date, always feels a bit uncomfortable. Kinda like you are the clownfish in a sea of coupled up lovers and schools of old friends.

I just went to a wedding in southern Idaho where I only knew ONE person, the groom. The groom always threw great parties with fascinating people, but they did require one to exude extrovertedness. There would be friendly people there, but I’d have to proactively join them. Here’s how I did it:

1. Be Confident…

From the tiled floor of a lodge outside of McCall, I messaged my dear friend Samantha in…


Beaker Is Frazzled too…

Some might call me frazzled. Others, an overly imaginative soul. They are not wrong. I am chronically afraid I left the burner on, the door unlocked, and lost my phone in the toilet. No, not because I am (have you seen my desk?) but because I actually DO these things on a regular basis.

My daughter, just 3 and a half, is already trained anytime we leave the house. “Mommy you need me to help you find your phone and your wallet, right? I’m a good finder.”

Frazzled me accidentally “leaves” things in odd places. A purse in the…


Photo by Tony Reid, Unsplash. Glacier Park, Montana

I’m back in Montana with family. One of our favorite pastimes is to recount old stories and memories of our late relatives, those loveable yet fallible characters that came to Montana for homesteading, gold, and other adventures.

Of course, because most of these famed relatives are now deceased, they are unable to stand up for themselves, which means the stories get rowdier, more interesting, and sometimes move further and further from the truth. The more wine is poured, the more wild the tales.

Disputed Truths

What I have realized with family memories is that everyone has their own version of the truth…


“But I love spending EVERY second with my daughter,” I said aghast. An older, wiser mom looked at me, laughed and poured herself more wine. You haven’t entered the phase of dysfunctional love yet. Just wait.”

Dysfunctional love, as described by my friend, was the inability to reconcile wanting to be with your child every second while also relishing time away. It’s like an epic romance novel, full of anxiety, passion and comedic frustration.

I thought I KNEW dysfunctional love. I mean. But this love for my three year old daughter…

Heidi K. Isern

writer. thinker. whiskey drinker. let me help you tell your story. Published here, there and elsewhere across the world. @hisern /

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