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Releasing Unforgivable Hurts
“Every marriage suffers unforgivable hurts,” I remember my mother saying.
I was young at the time and had no idea what she was referencing. Nor did I want to know. I preferred to think of my parent’s marriage as perfect. Hurts, sure, yes. But I imagined them fleeting speed bumps on an epic cross country journey.
When I dated in my 20’s, I only sought men that equally (obsessively?) admired their parent’s bond and aimed to be like them. We never spoke about the possibility of unforgivable hurts. If we didn’t talk about them, we assumed they wouldn’t happen. Then they did and we didn’t survive. We were too young and reckless to work through them.
In my 30’s I vowed to not be hurt again, closing myself and dating others with frozen hearts. Until I met someone that I had a child with. We opened our hearts. Unforgivable hurts attacked the soft vulnerable flesh. But it was much harder to walk away than it was in my 20’s. We had shared responsibilities, homes, and little people that liked to hold both our hands at the same time.
Now I knew what my mother was talking about. Committed must mean suffering-is that what she was trying to tell me? Did she just put on a smiling face like Julie Andrews? Were the “hills alive” with the sound of unforgivable hurts?
