Are your Expectations Killing or Helping your Relationships?

Deciding which expectations should stay and which should go may solve relationship woes

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash

Expectations are born of idyllic pursuits AND life experience.

They start forming in childhood when we watch our parents interact. Then societal norms, early relationships, and media continue to shape them. In contemporary times, much has been written about the negative consequences of princess fairytales on young girls, claiming such stories teach young girls to expect a Prince Charming to “save” them. Media showing more assertive women (Like in Frozen) or women in equal partnerships have been praised because they help foster a different set of expectations…especially for oneself.

source: heidi isern

After examining them all we should ask ourselves which expectations are sacred, which are flexible, and, if our expectations are misaligned with our partners, determine how we might work together to adjust them.

Consistently met expectations (like sharing chores) create dependencies. Dependencies are the glue that holds our communities together. Communities that rely on each other are much stronger. I wrote about that topic, comparing rich independent San Francisco to my neighborhood in Truckee where everyone helped each other. Afterwards, my inbox was flooded with people wishing they had a more mountain-like community. People like to be needed (it’s gives them a sense of value/worth) and also appreciate things being done for them (as it often builds trust and intimacy).

source: heidi isern

writer. thinker. whiskey drinker. let me help you tell your story. Published here, there and elsewhere across the world. @hisern /

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